He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Say something about gay babies.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
