She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
