So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize