Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
