i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize