Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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