you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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