Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
