i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
