This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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