Yo dont text me then not text me
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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