I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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