So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
