apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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