life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
