So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize
