i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
