im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
3pm strippers are depressing
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
3 2 1 whiskey
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
