Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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