my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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