So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
high people should be assigned attendants
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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