The maid of honor just puked.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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