Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize