Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
