If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
