I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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