Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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