so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
