im having a threesome with these popsicles
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
