Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
