hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
false alarm. still invincible.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize