i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
