I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
