i may or may not be watching the land before time
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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