I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i think i have two assholes
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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