I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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