I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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