did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
