Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Randomize
