She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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