I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
