Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
