So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So squirting runs in the family.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
