Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You made out with two different species that night
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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