today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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