I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize