people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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