Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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