I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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