i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
