i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
it hurts more in the daytime
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Randomize
