ya dads aren't the best wingmen
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
