in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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