I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
