my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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