Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
