It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize