I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
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