Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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