Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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