(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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