if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
