i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
