wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she smelled like a LAN party
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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