Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
not ubering you a puppy
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
