So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
