i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize