My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
