ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
