Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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