I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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