got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize