I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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