u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
