I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
