My underwear smells like fireworks.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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