What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
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