Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
