you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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