Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize