I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
