At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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