I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
