I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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