I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
