o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
