All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
