There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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