You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
