Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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