Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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