You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
