You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
